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Knight Fu's avatar

This is a beautifully written piece. Thank you so much for sharing. I hope that you will allow me to share some thoughts drawn from my personal experiences. I hope that you will find them relevant, or that you will forget me thoroughly if they are too cringe or stupid.

My maternal grandfather was born in Manchuria. He was part of a family of 8 siblings. When the Japanese occupied parts of Manchuria in the 1930s, his family escaped south, ultimately settling down in Jiangxi province near Ji’an. By the time they arrived, only he, his mother and his younger brother survived. All the rest of them died along the way from one kind of violence or another.

My mother didn’t experience this history firsthand. Yet, she held onto an inherited hatred of the Japanese — its government, its people, and its culture — despite having actually met and befriended a Japanese coworker named Shoji after our family emigrated to the US. When Shoji returned to Japan at the end of his studies, he gifted us a verse in kanji that he personally wrote in ink calligraphy: friendship should be as clear and unadorned as water. It was a gesture that recalled the shared cultural bond between our two nations, as kanji and ink calligraphy come from a period of intense cultural exchange between China and Japan; people who read Chinese can read and understand kanji, and ink calligraphy is regarded by both cultures as, among other things, symbol of practiced perfection. We hung the artwork in our dining room, where we could glance upon it whenever we ate.

She held onto her hatred well into my teens, years after Shoji left for Japan. She once caught me watching anime. “Never this Japanese trash”, she scorned. She also warned me against ever marrying a Japanese person, how that would have dishonored my ancestors. I think she thought of that hatred as a necessary part of her identity, and that it was her obligation to hold onto those painful bonds that tied her to atrocities that she never witnessed. To forget or to move on was to somehow betray her patriotic oath out of a disloyal desire to live peacefully and comfortably. That to forgive is to condone future such tragedies, or to slacken the will to strengthen ourselves against these enemies that seek to exterminate us. This was over 20 years ago.

A few years ago, she returned from a trip to Tokyo. She had picked up some doll from Japan on a whim and was gushing about how it was of such excellent quality. She had gone there because there was an all-inclusive guided tour that was heavily discounted, and she “always wanted to see Tokyo.” She told me that she found the Japanese to be disciplined, polite and kind. They cleaned up after themselves, and they bowed with an earnest deference that she wished more Chinese people would emulate. I rolled my eyes and regurgitated much of what she told me throughout my teenage years: no anime, no Japanese girls, and how my grandfather would be rolling in his grave if I transgressed against these imposed national boundaries. I didn’t know what she would say.

“I didn’t say those things!” She gaslit whenever she wanted to apologize or to retract. Her revisionist instincts I have come to appreciate over the years. “You know, those atrocities did happen,” she continued, “but they are by really terrible warlords and hooligans. We have known so many Japanese people over the years and they are nothing like these animals.”

I think it takes a lot of energy to keep on hating. These atrocities happened because of a banquet of prejudice and greed that fed a group of people to see others as a means to pleasure themselves, to avenge their own grievances, and to release themselves from their bounds that constrain them to act with decency and humanity. Their acts of atrocity inspire in generations after of a hatred that is rooted in genuine grief and a palpable, unrelenting sense of loss and injustice. However, to feel that hate so many years later, there must exist in us a force that returns us to the wound, to tear it open so we can overcome the very human instincts to forget, to heal and to wish for another chance at connection.

I too envisage a future where we have no need for wars or conflicts. I am not naive to think that, in any semblance of that future, we will not have real acts of injustice or that there will not be grief or anger or hate. I will never know how justified these emotions are at the moment or in the blood of the descends of those who suffered. I will not be able to say whether violence in retaliation or defense is justified or necessary. My resistance is against these cables that we have built for ourselves that keeps us from escaping a hatred that we ourselves may find too cumbersome to carry. To expose them, to understand them, and to file away at them whenever I can. We may find these cables necessary to animate the sinews to rally against our true enemies, but too often they provide the tension whose release propels us towards cruelty and fascism.

Thank you again for writing.

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